So D got married...And the venting of life.

So my friend of 11 years, Diane Coates got married (to William Felch). Then they came to the reception, which (despite sweltering temperatures and wind) they decided to have in Freeman Park, which is a very sentimntal location for them. It's where they first kissed and got together and where they got back together (after a break-up which lasted less than a day, haha). It's a park they also visited frequently and so it holds very sentimental value to them. After the reception (which consisted of me changing into an interesting "spooning" tank top and awkwardly sitting around with Catie), they went to take Krys to the airport, and then (in their own words) go home and "screw like rabbits." >.<


But after that, I went to DJ's house to drop off some of his clothes. Despite the fact that I love him and he is (or was, I don' even know anymore) my best friend, he still refuses to talk to me or see me, which is very frustrating and very immature. I ended up giving the clothes and whatnot to David, who said DJ didn't send him out there, but I have my doubts.

In case you're wondering about what's going on between me and him, he basically told me I needed somewhere else to go (despite having nowehre else to go) because I was causing too much drama. I am apparently going around talking about our relationship (or lack thereof, rather) to random girls I don't even know, or quite frankly, like. So yes, it's pretty much what it sounds like. He believed some girl over me. Yeah. Insulting? Yes. Hurtful? Like hell. I ended up back at my parents' house, which I assure you, is the very last place I wish to be. But where else am I going to go? Yeah. Ask DJ. Pfft.

Then I went over to his house last week to drop off some stuff I'd gotten his sister, and he completely ignored me, and would not even acknowledge my existence. So yeah, good job on being mature there, mate. But I seem to have further complicated matters (which I only blame myself for because I really don't want to place any blame on him) by simply going to the club (Spectrum) with his ex girlfriend (who I've recently become friends with). I would have called or texted him, but since he was ignoring me anyway, I didn't know if he'd pick up or respond, so I posted on facebook that I was going with her (twice, which gave him plenty of opportunity to see it). I decided to warn him because he generally gets very depressed or upset whenever he sees her, so I figured he probably wouldn't go if she was there.

Guess we saw the minute we walked in? You guessed it. He decided to show up anyway. I was inwardly freaking out, but I figured I should just act like myself. What would I normally do if she (or he) weren't there? I would wind up topless, socializing, and dancing. So that's exactly what I did. Drew took my shirt off. I danced with DJ's ex and Drew (and others joined in) and he ended up having a meltdown. This meltdown includes unfriending me on facebook the next day, which was very upsetting. Despite my insistence on trying to talk or meet up or anything, he won't respond to anything. Texts, facebook messages, whatever.

I've spoken to many friends about it. Especially friends who know both of us and saw a lot of us when we hung out together, and the basic idea is that I have been used. I bought him tons of things (gifts, food, his way into events, etc.) and did everything for him. And still would, without a second thought. But the minute my money was gone was when he basically stopped being as nice to me as he was. My self esteem pretty much ceases to exist whenever I'm around him. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong, even if I'm not. For awhile now, I've been unable to trust him. He's pretty much the first person I've trusted to the extent in which I did trust him (physically and emotionally), and after awhile, I no longer felt like I could tell him anything anymore. If I trusted him with that much before and end up getting fucked over constantly, why wouldn't it just happen again. My friends also hope this new girl he's hanging out with is ignorant; she has a car and money, and after he gets bored with her, he's gonna throw her away, as he's appeared to have done with me (and others, because I am soooo not the only one; I've seen them come and go; or rather, come and end up getting hurt o.O). Even though I don't really like her much in general (I tend to not like people who tell lies and talk shit about me, sorry) I don't think anyone should get used like that. And as much as it kills me to admit it, I am starting to believe my friends are right. I have been used. They believe he'll come crawling back when he needs something. I'd like to talk to him; he's very childish in not talking to me. It's like a child when they do something wrong, and won't admit it. They just stand there with their jaw clenched and refuse to speak. It feels like I'm dealing with that, but on a more extreme and hurtful level.

I don't really know what to think. I'd like for him to come back, to talk to me, but not if he needs something. I'dlike him to prove them doubly wrong and come back because he actually wishes to, not because he wants something. And it would prove that I was not used. But I don't really know what to believe anymore. Blegh. >.<

So there is my rant. Tonight, I'm going out with friends. I've pretty much been going out on a daily basis with people. If I don't, I wind up just sitting here in my room tinking aout this, and only this. Blaming myself. When I shouldn't be to blame for anything. I should be entitled to be friends with whoever I want without having to feel guilty. But thankfully I have friends who make me feel better, even if it's just for a little while. :]