So I skinny dipped last night.

I skinny dipped last night with Clay, Lillia, Alexis, Brandon, Domonique, and Imani and it was hella fun.

Then we got Tacos and went back to Brandon's house (with the exception of Lillia and Clay, who I'm sure went to her house and made sweet monkey love). We watched some more of The Wallflower.


And then an inebriated Alexis cleaned Brandon's house. o_O


And I found out she greatly enjoys being bitten. ;D


I also found out I am completely capable of having orgasms. I also found out that "orgasm" DJ gave me wasn't an orgasm. At all.

Then today Plato's Closet screwed me over. Attention, black people: Plato's Closet is officially racist in my eyes and officially pisses me off.

I had Domo take my clothes in there to sell, and they didn't buy a single one, giving the lame excuse of wanting school clothes. You obviously don't cater to public school kids, and half the shit I had in the bag could be considered "uniform" by MCS standards.


And then we popped Domo's Yogurt Mountain cherry! :D

Nobody's gonna rain on my parade.

OMG HOOTERS.

*drool*

So I went to Mister Hats yesterday with Brandon and have decided to dress up as a female Indiana Jones for Halloween. That place is a place of  magic.

Then I went to Hooter's to reapply for the job. And the Hooter's girls were dressed as schoolgirls and were washing a truck. I held my Jess juices in somehow. I was about to die of happiness. I could live at that place.

Today, I woke up to thunder and rain. I've been wishing for rain all week. And it happens on the day I'm supposed to go swimming. Figures.

But I am still going to hang out today and if swimming doesn't happen I have a feeling we'll all do something fun. ^_^

Sprinklers.

Brandon and I found the most glorious sprinklers ever. They are in Cordova. They are secret. And they are amazing.


Tomorrow, I'm going to reapply at Hooter's and finally try their wings. I've never actually eaten there before.


Oh, and fellas, a word of advice. Don't try to break two people up. Unless you're actually serious about the person you want, don't do it. And even then, don't do it. If you two are meant to be together, it'll happen. However, when you're talking her/him out of a relationship, and at the same time, talking to and flirting with tons of other girls at the same time, that is an asshole move. And you are a dick.

And DJ, if you're reading this, don't. This blog is postedf or my friends, and since you don't want to be one of them, you can butt the fuck out, sir. And this blog does not pertain to you. I post about things that actually affect my life here, so don't get pissy because I'm "slandering your name."

That about sums up my life recently. Oh, I am off my anti-depressants two months now. Life is good. :)

Fuck redneck white people.

Congratulations, Vanillas, you ruined my day again.

So my day started out well. I spent the night at Kace's house, then got a (delicious) sweet tea from Mickey D's (the only thing I'll consume of theirs is beverages) and went home. Went with my friend Brandon to Plato's to sell some shit, then went with him, John, and John's roommate Jeremy to Stevi B's Pizza (I popped Brandon's cherry, in that respect) then got my money from Plato's and went to Hastings. Plato's bought three items (all leopard print, ironically) for ten bucks.


Then we went to several Wal-Marts just for the hell of it, including the Collierville one, where we ran into Lee. I also went to Super Target and got a GLORIOUS pair of zebra striped leggings.


Then we went to iHop and white people fucked it up.


There was a large group of people in the parking lot when we arrived at iHop, being very loud and obnoxious. We go in and wait to be seated. As we're going in, a waitress is going out, with a very long check in her hand, looking rather angry. Turns out that group of people had skipped out on an $81 check.

She came back in a couple minutes later, pissed. Then we were seated and the group of people came back in, treating the waiters and manager like shit and just being complete and utter douchers in general. Then I think they may have paid some of it? Maybe? I'm not sure, but they shit talked the waitress and food (while standing there chowing down on some of it they had left in take-home boxes) and eventually walked out.

But at the same time, a group of (very) preppy white people came in and wee seated. The entire time they sat there, they also sit talked iHop and were like, "Whose idea was it to come to this place?" "Not mine!"

I was ready to throw my broccoli at them. @_@

Then they walked out without paying for their drinks. I was quite pissed, as was Brandon. He looked very very irritated.

When we drove off, I yelled, "Fuck you!" Then Brandon and I drove back around and past them (if you know the iHop parking lot by Wolfchase, you'd understand how we drove back around) and yelled a succession of "Fuck you!," "Whore!," "Sluts! Redneck asswipes!" and all kinds of shit. When one woman yelled back , "Fuck you too!" I yelled, "No thanks, I don't want syphilis!"

I should have thrown a Twilight book while I was at it too, but didn't think to. What kind of douchey ass person goes and does a business like that? Seriously?

And that iHop is one of my favorite restaurants, period. So fuck those people.

Anyway. Today I am going to go to Grand Pacific. Then I'm going to see Cowboys vs. Aliens with my steampunk group. Awesomeness.

So last night.

I was going through my pictures last night and all the ones DJ had tagged me in said, "from Photos by Facebook User." I went to his profile and couldn't. He had blocked me. I didn't know why. I asked David what I did, and he was like, "I'm not getting involved with either side." Good job, David. Way to show initiative. *sarcasm*

I too have usually not taken sides in things but there comes a point where someone is wrong and someone is right and you should take a side.

Today I was at the bookstore with Domonique and her sister. And I'm reading The Red Queen by Philippa Gregory when I notice my phone was going off. And I recognized the ringtone. It was DJ. I answered it, even though I was terrified. I didn't know whether he actually wanted to talk or yell at me for something or what (I'd messaged him on facebook a couple weeks ago saying if he wanted to, he could yell at me and get his frustration out, I really didn't care). He said, "Jess, I'm calling to inform you that-"

And my phone cuts off. o.O


So I text Cole to come to the bookstore cause I really didn't want to call DJ back and talk to him alone. I've been too scared to be around him alone anyway, let alone talk to him.

But I called him back when Cole got there. He said, "I am calling to inform you if you don't stop stalking me or slandering my name or spreading lies about me, I will get a restraining order and take legal action. Stop texting and calling me; delete me from your phone." I asked him who'd told him I was slandering him and he was like, "This is not a conversation. This is a warning."

It's so childish of him to say that. The only reason he won't actually talk to me like an adult is because he isn't one. Talking to me would me far too mature. Getting a protective order makes things easier for him. He's taking the easy way out, as he always has. What hurts me if that his mom is most likely helping him do this. And I thought it was bad when she and Desirie had deleted me from facebook. If it weren't for her letting him get away with things like this, he'd probably be at least a little more mature.

He wants as a "warning" to scare me into not going where he'll be. I have every right to go to group events I am invited to such as conventions and anime events and whatnot. He will not deter me from doing this. Nor will he deter me from posting blogs. Everything I say on these blogs is completely true; I don't lie, there's never been a reason to.


But I am terrified. I am insulted. And I am very very hurt. I have never had anybody betray orgo out of their way to hurt me me in such a way or treat me like this. And he is one of the last people I expected it from. I'd never have done anything like that to him. And I certainly don't deserve to be treated in such a way.

But anyway. Basically, life sucks and decided to say, "Fuck you," once again. Good night, sleep tight, everyone. And don't let the bed bugs put their foot in your ass. (That 70's Show quote ftw xP)

Good dinner at sekisui last night.

Sekisui and apple hookah at Oasis. That sums up yesterday.

Today was the hairshow I helped Rikka out with at Vaterott College. I modelled as the Red Queen from Alice In Wonderland. It was wonderful.

Grrr arggh.

My day was fucking awesome.

I went to Vaterott College to start on stuff for the hairshow. We did a runthrough of what we're doing on the runway and Nate had his wig made by the amazing Rikka. Tomorrow, I'm getting my hair re-dyed. Annd Saturday is the actual show. There'll be modelling scouts there and everything (super excited for that) and it should all be a good day, all in all.

And then I went to 6 Wal-Marts. Got a Glee tank top, a yellow tank top to match a hippie skirt I have, a "Talk Nerdy To Me" t-shirt, a pair of zebra striped shorts, a pair of pink leopard print shorts, and a pair of rainbow leopard print pajama shorts. Luckily at the one in Collierville, I did not run into Lee. He was being a total creeper that past couple times I've seen him and I am not in the mood for any guys right now, period.

So that sums up my day...Good night, folks. :)

Cheezkehk.

So yesterday I went to my cuddle bear's, Chris Woodson's, house for cheesecake and anime.


Cheecake and anime turned into cheesecake, chocolate cake (courtesy of ME!), and 90's cartoons. It was the econd episode of Hey! Arnold I had ever seen. DJ was there, but he didn't speak to me of course. Trevino then decided it would be a good idea to attack me again (with tickles, as per usual) even though I hate being tickled. >.>

And we all left the house to go to the MOOGLE meeting. I had spinach and pepperoni pizza, cheese, and regular pepperoni. John Jones was annoying, as per usual. Turns out Lillia is (or was) dating Christian Hernandez. And there were tons of new people at MOOGLE who heard of it at ABC, which makes me happy! ^_^

We were supposed to have elections but the room we usually occupy at Garibaldi's was taken over by a kid's birthday party. So we decided to wait until next month.

Then we went back to Chris's house (after stopping by Kroger to get more cheesecake ^_^) and started to watch As Told By Ginger because I'd never seen it (and I ended up LOVING IT) - and I cuddled with Chris the entire episode :3.

Chris Holmes decided to go out and get drinks for people. I told him to get DJ Mountain Dew: LiveWire, if he could find it, cause that's his favorite. After DJ woke up (he took a nap on Chris's bed), I gave it to him. Told him Chris bought it. And he freaked out cause it was LiveWire. I was like, "See, Chris? Total freak out!" When DJ was coming back upstairs after getting food and I was going downstairs, he actually said, "Thank you." to me. Which was weird.

But the night ended amazingly. I had to get home early to getup for a dentist appointment this morning. I missed it because I woke up with chest pains again, which took an hour and a half to go away after I took my pain pill. So I said, "Fuck the dentist! I'm sleeping." Which I did. I oke up and went to Cole's house to watch Repo! The Genetic Opera and then came back home.


Tomorrow I'm going to Vaterott College to start doing stuff for the hairshow my friend Rikka is doing for cosmetology class. It's a J-fashion Alice in Wonderland and should be amazing. :)

Hello Kitty Pajamas?

So I went to Animal Kingdom at Spectrum last night with Degan and Kalissa. Supah fun.

I came home and went to bed, then had a dream that Eric Vickrey showed up at the mall wearing pink Hello Kitty pajamas. Specifically, the fuzzy pink booty short pajama bottoms I have. Why was he in my dream? WHO CARES! The question is, why was he wearing Hello Kitty pajamas? I remember in the dream we had a very VERY serious discussion about the Hello Kitty night gowns we had. o_O It was weird as hell.

But right now I am baking a quadruple chocolate fudge cake for Chris Woodson's anime get-together today. This makes me happy. I had originally bought the cake ingredients for DJ, as I was gonna bake him a cake in celebration of A) Him moving to his new house. And B) Getting into Paul Mitchell. Paul Mitchell fell through unfortunately and he discontinued his friendship with me right as he was moving.

Creepers....still be fuggin' creepin!

neverending creeping.

My life at this point is a clusterfuck of creepers.

So I apparently need to tone down my awesome, because the more I've been acting like myself again (which I couldn't do on either my anti-depressants or when I was friends with DJ) the more guys are wanting to get up on this. And I am not in the mood nor do I have the inclination to be with anyone right now.

Hugh Moses. You are a skinny black nerd with glasses. You're constantly hitting on girls who are out of your league. You're 17 (and it shows, my dear) and maybe if you weren't so immature, you could actually get a girl. But we can snse whiny bitchiness. So grow up nd you'll get a girl.

Basically, I posted a status about how kissing girls is fun, especially when they don't expect it. He says, "Why don't you ever kiss me? I wouldn't expect it." And since he kind of annoys me anyway, I decided to put the little creeper in his place. "Because you are neither an attractive girl or an attractive guy." And he's like, "I'm gonna tell Chris (my cuddle bear, like a little brother to me) and he'll be shocked." Then he goes, "I get told by hot girls all the time that I'm attratcive, why should I care if you're not one of them?" I'm like, "Dude, why would Chris care that I don't find you attractive?" Then after he never responded I realized he deleted me.

So I message him privately. I said, -Really, Hugh? You deleted me? For being honest? That's one of the unattractive things about you is your childishness like that. "Oh, a girl turned me down, so I'm gonna go tell tell people she's a bitch now." Yes. Mature. That's totally what girls want in a guy.-

Jesus, people, did you ever wonder that maybe you need to work on yourself in order to find somebody? Christ.

First of all, I'm sick of guys being dicks. I put up with it for months from one guy. Now I'm putting up with it from multiple people. And at the same time, I have guys being creepers too. And it's all just getting old.

But you know what's awesome? Now 3 and a half weeks without my anti-depressants and I'm happier now than I have been in like, the past year. ^_^ Woot.

Also, got a shirt from walmart today that has a dinosaur and it says, "I'm rawrsome." Just letting you know, I'm awesome. So fuuuck you haters. Peace out.

You look so dumb right now.

Anime Blues Con!

It was fucking amazing. I worked my ass off, patrolling for security all day Friday. I clocked out to do the fashion show for Rose, but was on my feet otherwise. In heels of all things, on top of that.

But anyway. There was drama as well, as always. Kalissa and I roomed with Drew. Drew has been trying to get in her pants for ages, despite both of them dating someone. She had already expressed her disniterest to me and others in sleeping with him. Destiny also found out he'd been dating a girl named Amber at the same time as Erika. I'd suspected he was dating them both at once, and my suspicions were confirmed. Which sucks because Erika's a very sweet and amazing person. She's been cheated on in the past and actually thinks she's found a "good one." It saddens me. And irritates me.

Also - MAKE SURE SOMEONE IS ASLEEP BEFORE BEGINNING TO DO STUFF IN THE BED WITH SOMEONE. Dx

That is all.

Anyhoodle. Apparently DJ was creeping. I didn't even notice till people pointed it out to me. Stared and me and followed apparently. And filmed me and Degan at the rave. Circled around several times doing so. Kind ridiculous. If he wants to talk to me (or her, for that matter). all he has to do is say hello or whatever. I gave him ample opporunity to see me at the con; I texted him and told him so. No response. Oh well.

The fashion show was amazing. So much Lolita dresses and steampunk clothing. As well as my rave clothing. An amazing assortment of styles was presented and I felt we did really well.

The cosplay-off. (also known as one of the most awkward moments ever)

The cosplay-off was fun. Free condoms were thrown and whatnot, of course, as the cosplayers stripped. Nate stripped. It was the most horrfyingly skinny thing I had ever seen. Then my creeper Brad Turrin decided to strip....all the way. His boxers ended up around his knees, and he claimed it was a "wardrobe malfunction." Fucking bullshit. I didn't go to see a pasty white boy who doesn't trim his pubic hairs strip down to his nuddy-parts (yes British slang ftw). I was very mad andmaintain he should have been kicked out of the convention for that. And not allowed to come next year. Just because only 18-year-olds were allowed in that event doesn't mean a thing. Parents were in there, and they may not want to let their younger children back to a con where white creepers strip down to nothing. I wouldn't if I were a parent.

And then Saturday went splendidly. Kalissa and I were going to take a break and go swimming with Trevino and his girlfriend - and then a girl named Samantha Morrisson went missing. A 14-year-old. Turns out there was a pic of her with my friend Cole, so I called him. Apparently her mom decided it was a good idea to drop her daughter off at a con at a hotel for hours WITHOUT A CELL PHONE. Fucking white people. Fuck my life and my ethnicity. *shakes head*

She turned out to be at Wendy's, thankfully. Then Kalissa and I went swimming with Trevino and Charity finally. Then we went to the rave....which sucked ASS. The music was awful. The room was far too big. Plus DJ creepin' around with his camera was rather off-putting, so I left early.

I ran into Carmin and Jenna, too. Which was awesome. Also totally raped Degan's boyfriend with a glowy blue glowstick that was phallic shaped. Yay for buttrape.

DREW'S ROOM PARTY.

Stripper poles, alcoholic whipped cream, band members, lap dances, and a whip. Need I say more? John Vaughn (the most fucking awesome black guy EVAR) was whipped until he bled. And loved every minute of it. I was shirtless (of course) and Eric Vickrey tried to whip me. I wasn't in the mood that night. Maybe next time, Vickrey. xP

Degan's boyfriend Ty and I were the only sober ones who ended up in the room. Drew passed out immediately (he basically had to be carried back to the room anyway) and Kalissa folloed soon after. Creepy shit happened in the bed that night that I'm not going to go into. My subconsciousness actually incorprated it into a dream I had last night though. It was THAT BAD. Dx

Sunday I woke up half-dead from exhaustion. It was like 9:40 and I remembered we had to clear out of the room by 11. So I rushed and did so. My aunt and uncle came and picked up some of my stuff, then I passed out in the lobby for the remainder of the time that morning. I was awoken with a creepy feeling I was being watched. I was. Degan's stalker, for one, was on me like a hawk (no doubt hoping she'd show up sometime soon) and then of course I was having pictures of me taken while I slept. Not creepy or desperate at all.



And there was a group made for people who worked hard on the con this year. Someone actually said, "Why is Jess L.P. Knight in this group? She didn't work, she was just a regular con-goer." Not assholey at all. Nor the rudeness later when I was talking abut the whip (which Drew lost! :\) on the same chat. Keep up the good work of being a dick, people. It must be contagious at this point.

I also wrote a poem last night for the first time in like a year. I've decided to finish writing my "Damian Thy Vampire" story. Will I let DJ read it? Hell no. As soon as he mans up and talks to me, then he can read the story based on him. Nigga.

Anyhoodle. Three days after the con, and I am still exhausted. Just saying.

Annnnd I need to get out to Vaterott College sometime this week for Rikka's photoshoot. Alice in Wonderland photoshoot. Got to find a ride or convince my grandma to drive me out there.

For now, that's all, folks!

Blog vomit!

Oh my god, it's been awhile since I posted. Been super busy. Sorry!

Spent the night at Kalissa's house after going shopping. We bought matching clubbing shirts and underwear and I am happy. We went to the ABC meeting the next day and Rose asked me to do the fashion show at ABC and I got clothes and stuff together for that. And I am supah excited about it.

Ok. 4th of July. best. day. ever.

So the party was to be held in Moscow, TN. It was a clockwork mechanilist party (the steampunk group I'm part of). It was at Lee Yager's house. Amanda Lee, Joseph St. John, John Pomfret, Brandon Settles, Michael Elam, Adam Scott, Geoff Harris, Shorty, Matt and Lauren, Tom and his girlfriend, and Lee's sister Gina attended. We had a little photoshoot and stuff. Grilled steaks, corn, burgers, and hot dogs (ewwww) and blew sit up. Though there should definitely have been more fireworks (and better ones at that) because these were like two years old and sucked. It left me unsatisfied both sexually and pyromaniacally. :/

Then I decided to take my shirt off. Then my bra off. Then my pants. Then my panties. And by the end of the night had done a completely nude photoshoot (which isn't the first time, I've done nudes before, actually professionally) and had the satisfaction and comfort of being naked. Ah, good times. :]

I ended up getting on Lee's little buggy and riding around the fucking country in the middle of the night. Bats and bugs were seen. The next morning, when we rode again, I saw bunny rabbits! ^_^


The next day, we went to Animax and I paid for the Anime Blues Con finally. Went to Hastings and got two new hats (a kitty hat and a dinosaur hat)! ^_^ And today I'm going back to get a Ninja Turtles bag so I can have a whole ninja turtles outfit for the con. Woot!

That's all for now, folks. Can't wait for this weekend! :D

Every moment, as long as you're mine, I'll wake up my body....

I went to MAGY [Memphis Area Gay Youth] tonight for the first time since I was fourteen. It was very enjoyable. I went with Cole and Imani. I ended up reconnecting with Seth Carson and Caroline Lutey, and ended up meeting a super sexy gay black guy named Antonio who is dancer and choreographer. I also met Emerson, a tranny who's going to go to Overton next year! I also met an Asian guy Scott who I'm gonna start going to karaoke with (the place he goes to has showtunes!!!! <33333) and an adorably awkward gay guy named Noah who looooves him some big black guys! xD I ended up having a great time, despite being disappointed about not being able to go to Spectrum's Foam Party tonight.

Tomorrow, I am hanging out with Kalissa. We are going shopping for panties (she needs cute ones for Anime Blues Con ;P) and I'm most likely spending the night at her house too. I'm not going to Spectrum; I don't have the money or the motivation.

But yeah. Oh, and my mp3 player can suck my dick. Deleted half my songs. I download new ones ad it won't even play them (and it'll download three copies. What the fuck for?!) Yes. Piece of shit. I need a new one. Meh.

Paul Walker and Tyrese Gibson are sexy beasts.

So I went bowling last night with Cole, Gabrielle, and Imani for MOOGLE. It was supah fun! I sucked REALLY badly last night! But still, good times were had.


The hours before that were spent hanging with Cole, Imani, and Gaby. We went to Plato's Closet and Target. We hung out at my house; Gaby tried on her new outfits she'd bought from Target. My closet was raided, as per usual. xP

After bowling, we went to Perkins and I had a milkshake! ^_^


Today, I hung with Cole before his Youth Court trial, and saw 2 Fast 2 Furious. it was tthe first Fast and the Furious movie I'd ever seen, and I fucking LOVED IT! Paul Walker and Tyrese Gibson. If I still wrote smutty fan fiction, I'd totally write some about them, because Woooot! Sexy shit right there. And all those damn sexy cars. I thought I was gonna cream my panties. For reals.

I also was gonna go to youth court with Cole, but decided to play board games with Justin and Brittany and people first. Which was changed to us plying Dungeons and Dragons (with an old west theme)! Which makes me happy. The last game of Dungeons and Dragons I played was months ago, back in February or March.

Anyhoodle, I can't get Mtn Dew and Funyuns like Justin wanted, so I'm taking the coca-colas and bugles from my house to take for peoples to drink. Take that, universe! :]

But yes. DnD. Woot. And that is my blog for today. Paul Walker+Tyrese Gibson = vury sexy bromance.

Memphis drivers can suck my dick.

I went skinny dipping last night at my friend Dustin's house in Byhalia. I haven't actually seen him or hung out with him in months. He has a girlfriend now, Kitty, who's freaking ADORABLE! (And who looks pretty damn good naked too! ;D) And fun times were had, naked and whatnot. Met new people (apart from Kitty); his friend Eric (who just got kicked out of the Navy) and two other friends, Blake and Brittany (am I remembering her name correctly?). They were cool. Apparently Blake was at MidSouth Con, but didn't remember seeing me. Lol. Not surprising, considering all that happened at MidSouth Con.

But anyway. MEMPHIS DRIVERS CAN SUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING DICK. So Chris and I are going to Taco Bell on Winchester, right? And this woman in front of us driving a Hummer decides to randomly stop in the middle of the road. On Winchester. What the fuck. So we stop in time, but the guy behind us does not and hits us super hard, which in turn makes us hit the Hummer woman. She gives us her information and dashes off, and Chris tells me to get picked up. So I call my grandma and tell her to pick me up at Walmart. We park at the Logan's Roadhouse parking lot, and I finally see how badly his car is damaged. The whole front is fucked up, and I think it might be totalled. He can't even open the hood anymore. So as I'm leaving, the woman calls and stuff, and Chris calls me later telling me the guy behind us was apparently intoxicated while driving, so a police report has been filed. He actually called to ask me if Knight was my real last name. ^_^ That's a first for me, excapt when a substitute (dumbest bitch ever) once pronounced my last name as "Kuh-Nig-it" and then asked if it was Dutch. Een after I told her, "No, it's Knight. Like....knights of the round table." "Must be Dutch, or Swedish or something."

No, fucktard, it's Knight. British as shit.


So I came home and made chicken (after going to the store, where I ran into Cole and Gaby). And was supposed to go to Walmart andstuff with Kace and Nate, but he's being rather obscure as to whether or not he's going to actually be able to. He keeps saying he told us last night he might be unable, but neither Kace nor myself recall him saying so.

And now I have pissed off Kasey. For blogging about Justin. And  I did tell Kasey I wouldn't say anything as to why he broke up with her if it was for a reason like that, and I do apologize for my empty-headedness, Kasey. We should all know by now, I have my moments of slowness. I hope Kasey finds someone who'll make her happy and treat her well. She deserves a man who...well, a man, in general. She deserves better treatment than


Anyhoodle. That's all for today. Oh, I got new fisnets today. Yeah. Rawr. And stuff. >:3

Just a cliche blog about a celebrity being stupid.

Bristol Palin.

We know her. We don't love her (and if you do, get the fuck off my blog). She is the daughter of Sarah Palin, the woman who ran alongside John McCain in the 2008 presidential race. Now, I used to actually have a little respect for Bristol, as she had her baby and seemed unashamed of it. She was also always with Levi Johnston, like, "Yeah. I have a baby. And I'm still with the baby daddy. So what?" I always thought, "You go, girl. You show those conservative pricks it's not a bad thing to have a baby out of wedlock."

Now, she's just lost all respect she had of mine to begin with. First, she got engaged to Levi, which is fine, people are getting married super young nowadays. You go on, and do your own thing. But then when it didn't work out between them, she seems to be doing everything in her power to make him seem like a bad guy, while at the same time making herself seem like an innocent conservative princess.

She recently made an appearance on Good Morning America, in which she told them about when she lost her virginity - at the age of 15 - and how it was "stolen" from her.

She quickly insisted that Levi didn't rape her or anything, it just felt like her virginity was stolen from her.

Oh, and the best part? She said she was drunk off of wine coolers. (To all my fellow gleeks, you should know - of course - that is how character Quinn Fabray lost her virginity and subsequently got pregnant in Season One.) The popularity of Glee and the wide knowledge of the storyline mak me doubt Bristol's story.

Basically, nothing was "stolen" from you, Bristol. You were 15 years old. You knew what you were doing, drunk off wine coolers or not. Plus, wine coolers at 15? Illegal much? It's not like you didn't know what drinking with your boyfriend could lead to, anyway, especially considering at that age, your hormones are constantly yelling at you to have sex.

Plus, you're making it seem like you did something wrong. You had sex with your boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with that. What is wrong with it is trying to take blame off yourself. You aren't making yourself seem naive, or taken advantage of. At this point you've just made yourself seem stupid.


So yes. I ranted about a celebrity (it's so sad that Bristol Palin is now considered a celebrity...). Have I hit a new low in my life? Fuck this, I'm going to go watch Jeopardy! now.

This blog will give you wet dreams.

And of course (being bisexual) I have to show off some of the sexy ladies too. xP

If you don't know who any of these sexy people are, fuck. you. >:P

Erectile disfunction. It ruins lives.

Just thought you should know - get it up, or get the fuck out. You are useless to the continuance of the human race. I don't want your flabby, flaccid phallus. It does not get me hot. And you're bald. And like 50. So fuck off. Creepers. Find someone your own age and get some viagra. Fuck.

So I had a good time at Spectrum tonight, apart from the usual creepers (man, the lesbos be creepin' hardcore lately @_@). I got to see my Lonnie Bear, Trevino (always thought that boy was a sexy beast!), Jenkins, Drew, Destiny, my cuddle bear Chris, James, and Tufyne. Met Drew's girlfriend Amber. She's a sweetheart. Saw my lovely little gay friend Russell and his friend Charity, and met her friend Morgan (who ended up almost getting kicked out because she drunkenly pissed in the sink in the ladies' room, lmfao) and got hit and danced up on by some lesbians. I also saw Tory Phillips and Shakera Story (I've known them since middle school! :D) and danced with Tory. Almost didn't recognize Kay (she made it very clear that I now have boobs, as opposed to middle school when I had barely anything, and she was walking around with a fucking C cup. o_o). Russell ripped my fishnets. I now need new ones.

And I apparently remind many people of Columbia from The Rocky Horror Picture Show when I dress up in my shiny fedora and shiny belt. This is a compliment.

So Justin Jenkins is kinda with Brittany Heath now? I am happy for them, they both seem happy. She also apologized to me for the whole DJ thing (she realized he was only using her anyway). And she also said he is being a dick to her now and won't even talk to her, just because she got with Justin, even though she and DJ weren't together? Yeah, I've (kind of) been there. But I have refriended her, which makes me happy, because now I can refriend my Jaron bear! ^_



I really didn't want to come home, but couldn't go to work with Trevino, soooo I came home. I don't know what tomorrow's going to bring, but I actually feel very positive about it.

Karma just bent you over and buttfucked you.

Apparenty DJ never considered me a friend. Thought I was stalking him. Being obsessive. Creeping him out. You keep telling yourself that, DJ, to justify treating me like shit.


Anyhoodle, apparently Jenkins "stole" Brittney from DJ. Good for Jenkins? I guess this explains why he randomly broke up with Kasey. Yay for Brittney because she’s no longer being used for her car and money now.


But basically, what goes around comes around. Good things happen to people who treat others nicely. It may not happen immediately, but it happens nonetheless. (Maybe him not being able to go to school is double karma? o.O)


Today, I am hanging out with Kalissa Ervin, a sexy beast of a friend. I am giving her clothes AND allowing her to raid my closet. Because she is adorable and sexy. :]


Tonight, I am going to Spectrum. How will I get there? No idea. But basically, it is happening. Drew is going to wear my sparkly green fairy wings. This is going to attract even more gay guys to him. It will be very amusing. :)

Fucking sushi for the winsauce!

I woke up today and took my health forms to the health department and got that over with.


Texted Daniel and waited for him to text back. No response, so I went ahead and went to have sushi at Rain with Kasey. And Oh my fucking god, it was amazing! Pricey, but amazing. I was going to order a cheap vegetarian sushi, but then saw the crunchy shrimp rolls were only $5.15 so I was like, "Fuck that, shrimp ftw!" Amd ate my fucking shrimp rolls. Bitch.


And then since the majority of people decided to consume alcohol, I ended up being the designated driver. And I am a good driver; what I suck at is backing out of parking spots. Especially when I'm driving a huge fucking truck (as opposed to smaller vehicles, which I am much better with). So I had the awkward horror of getting out of a parking spot. Scared people shitless. Then drove to have Bubble Tea - which is always worth it. Then I drove to Kasey's house. She got pajamas, and we went to her friend Lindsey's  apartment in Berclair. Had to leave early, but got to play fucking...Mario Kart 64, Mario Party 2 (which I'd never played before period) and had a marvelous time doing that. Then Gill (who was gloriously hammered) started talking about Princess each getting eaten out by Rainbow Bowser and clit fucking them and all kinds of shit. I left early, but had a fun day all in all.

Then when I got home, I found out my friend Karen Lingerfelt got in a car accident nd is in the hosital. What the fuck!

Also, my friend Sarah's boyfriend (or ex or...whatever the fuck they are now) is being a dick. It mut just be something in the air making guys treat girls like shit or something, I swear to God! :\

Tomorrow, I am hanging out with Kalissa, and tomorrow night, I amgoing to Spectrum with Drew. He is going to wear my green sparkly fairy wings, and it is going to be fabulous.

DJ is apparently camping with family. I hope when he gets back, he'll at least talk to me again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I just had sex! A woman let me put my penis inside her!

So last night I went to karaoke at The Edge Coffeehouse. It was dead, and the guy running it was runnign late, so Imani decided to have us drop him off at his boyfriend's house in Frayser. Which turned out to be like...right around the corner from where DJ used to live. Literally. Going down Poplar then down Thomas to there brought back too many memories and was awkward as fuck. Especially turning down Millington Rd. o_O I just looked at my phone the entire time.

Then today I was supposed to go to this amazing sushi place called Rain with my friend Kasey, but our plans were cancelled, as our ride fell through. But I ended up going to Hastings (to sell stuff for money for the weekend xP) and getting two new bags (a Wizard of Oz bag and a pink leopard print bessenger bag with a skull) and saw Eric Vickrey there (very rarely do I run into him) and then we went to Walmart. I got a new red bra! And some dye to touch up my hair.

Then we went to Taco Bell, ate, then went to another WalMart (the one in West Memphis) and OH MY FUCKING GOD it was loaded with tons more shit than any Walmart in Memphis. Tons of bras (I got like....five new ones there :P) and shorts (leopard print and zebra striped? fuck yes!) and got more Mountai Dew: Pitch Black cause that is just how I roll.


But today I found out DJ isn't going to be able to start at Paul Mitchell School after all. Made me feel very sad for him, because he was for once very motivated and looking forward to something. I want to be there for him, but he still won't talk to me. I messagd him and told him I was here if he needed me and to not let this deter him from still trying to be the best that he can be, because he is going to make something great of himself, I've always known it. But all I've wanted to do since I found out today was just find him and hug him. And I can't, and it makes me very sad.

Anyway. Tomorrow I have to go down to the Health Department and turn in some paperwork so I don't lose my health insurance. These forms get really nosy, like asking how much investments I have and shit? That is none of their goddamn business. Damn stupid government. Anyway. I will get this taken care of, then maybe go to Rain finally (as Kasey said we may be able to go tomorrow rather than today).

So there. Past two days. Whew.

So it has been decided.

I am basically going to demand everything I bought for DJ back. He has decided to continue to be an asshole. And since he's not really worth the money I spent on everything anyway (because let's face it, all I was good for to him was gifts and blowjobs, as other girls are). I don't think I want anything back from his mother or Desirie. They actually seemed to generally like and care for me and seemed appreciative of the things I got them. I don't think I want to continue contact with them; I don't even know if they'll want to. He'll probably turn them against me, as he did his ex girlfriend anyway. But I decided to make a list. I know. Bitchy. But you also don't know the extent of horribleness to which he has treated me. I apparently cause drama and could not get it through my head that we were never going to be together (I think doing stuff with girls right in front of me to intentionally hurt me in the first place kind of got it drilled into my head, thank you very much). And part of the reason he thinks this is because some girl told him I talked about his and mine relationship. First off, we never had a relationship, you made that very clear. Second, why would I tell all of this shit to a girl I don't even fucking know? Are you seriously that dim, or at this point just believing what you want to believe to deter from your life being in the least difficult? Which it's going to be anyway, as you will end up losing a lot of people from your life if you continue to live like this.

Anyway. I bought him a hell of a lot of shit. He thinks I just did it so he would be in a relationship with me. I don't know what the hell kind of relationship he thinks I'm looking for, but one based on money is not it. I bought him those things simply because I liked making him happy. The look that he would get on his face when he got something new was...very overwhelming, to say the least. The list is as follows (yes, I spent - er, wasted -  about 4,000+ on him; and no, it wasn't worth it, as I just always ended up getting fucked over):

1 strawberry scented dildo
1 masturbation toy (if you ever found it. if not, i don't care)
1 pair of Skullcandy headphones
1 Bob Marley Rubiks Cube
1 Anniversary Edition wooden Rubiks Cube
1 4x4 Rubiks cube
1 container of Watermelon flavored nipple arousal gel
1 pair of Pac Man boxers
1 Sonic the Hedgehog wallet
1 Camera ($200 wasted right there)
The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Blu-Ray
Zombieland DVD
1 Sonic the Hedgehog bobblehead
1 Sonic the Hedgehog T-shirt
1 Bob Marley T-shirt
1 Rocky Horror Picture Show t-shirt
1 Mountain Dew T-shirt
1 Rubiks Cube t-shirt
1 pair of jeans (with the sparkles and stuff? yeah, when I bought them, I said I was getting them for a gay friend to avoid embarassment)
1 Galaga t-shirt
1 Mount and Do me t-shirt
1 "I'm not a doctor, but I'll take a look anyway!" t-shirt
1 Pac-Man "Nom Nom Nom" t-shirt
1 Yoda pillow
3 bandanas
1 Johnny Depp poster
1 metal sign "Sexual Harassment will not be tolerated; It will however be graded"
3 bottles of Paul Mitchell hairspray
1 bottle of disinfectant spray used for sex toys
1 "It's all fun and games until someone loses a nut" t-shirt
1 cross necklace made of nails
1 "Friends Forever" lanyard
1 Sonic the Hedgehog lanyard
1 tiny Sonic the Hedgehog figurine
2 Fedoras
1 Marvin the Martian hat
1 Mario "Choose Wisely" red t-shirt
Phantom of the Opera DVD
1 deck of Ouran High School Host Club playing cards
1 hat from Hippie Geek (with the peace signs and the secret weed compartment, lol)
1 necklace - smiley faced piece of poop

Now, if I left off anything (as I know I did, because at the moment, not everything comes to mind) please be mature about it and don't refrain from giving any of it back to me. And just so you know, if you can actually be mature enough to remain friends and not be immature as you're being, I'm not going to be so adamant about getting this stuff back so quickly (if at all). But since you've decided to be immature and prove to me that you don't appreciate anything I've done and bought for you (which was done out of love, not bribes for you to be with me) I see no point in you actually getting to keep any of this. Everybody I've spoken to (not just my friends, but people you were friends with before I was) agree with me that you're undeserving and a horrible friend. They don't see why I continue to waste time an thoughts on you, but I'd like to salvage something of what was once a very strong friendship.

Racist Jokes.

Ok. Racist jokes. You know 'em, ya love 'em. If you don't love them, please don't get pissed off at me for sharing them. And please stop being a prude about a fucking joke.


One of my friend Nate told me this glorious racist joke: "Wy do black people only have nightmares? Because we killed the last one with a dream." I figured my friends (who generally share the same sense of humor as I do and who SEEMED to all be open-minded about things) would appreciate the joke, so I sent out a GIANT mass text. And one of my friends (one of the last ones I'd expect it from, Destiny, of all people) gets realy offended. I'm thinking, "Dude, you aren't even black." She's like, "That joke crossed a line." I sent her a three-page text stating my opinion. Because to be honest I do get offended when people don't like racist jokes and stuff. Unless a single specific person is being verbally attacked (like a friend or yourself or whatever) don't be offended by racist jokes. That's stupid. African-Americans fought for three hndred years to be treated equally, then when they were free from slavery but still not being treated equally, they fought another few decades (the Civil Rights movement) to be treated equally. They won the right to be (finally) treated as humans, and I think part of that equal treatment includes the ability to be able to freely say racist jokes and them not be offended. It's not like they can go around making fun of us and we should feel guilty for enslaving and lynching them for hundred of years. We aren't responsible for any of that, so we shouldn't feel guilty when they joke about us. We should be able to laugh along with them, just as they should be able to laugh along with us. If we can make sexist jokes, white jokes, abortion jokes, politician jokes, gay jokes, Mexican jokes, Asian jokes, stereotype jokes, etc, why not make black jokes? They fought to be equal, so now they are (which they were born equal in the first place, but still). So they make fun of us, we make fun of them, and none of us are offended. And if we are offended, we're stupid and need to get over it. It's the 21st century, pull that stick out of your ass and calm the fuck down, lol.

Yes, it's quite obvious I find it prudish to be offended when it comes to simple jokes. But what really pissed me off was I still got yelled at via text for simply stating my opinion. Then she told me not to state my opinion, at which I got really offended (as well I should, it's my fucking constitutional right to state my opinion) and I was like, "Look, you're being a prude. If we can jokingly molest each other everytime we hang out [which we do, of course] and make dirty sex jokes and stuff, under no circumstance should you get offended by this. And I will stop texting you and talking to you altogether if I'm going to be yelled at for simply stating my opinion." I never got a response back. By the end of the night, though, it no longer affected my life, to be honest.

Basically people, it's the 21st century. We should be evolved anough by now that if we're open-minded and accepting of people, we should be open-minded enough to be able to joke about stereotypes of each other. It's not like I'm going around calling black people "niggers" and I actually find it a little racist to NOT want to tell black jokes. I feel if they fought for the right to be joked about lightly, we should be able to. Jeez. Getting offended over it is actually quite offensive to them.

Plus, I kind of hate to admit it, but my family is racist. One of our family friends call black people "niggers" without even thinking twice about it. My grandma says some of the most racist shit sometimes. The other day, she said (in reference to my aunt and uncle), "They treat me horrible, like I'm some kind of damn stupid nigger!" By saying that, you just proved your stupidity, dumbass. So being raised around shit like that and not actually having any racist thoughts like that, yes I get very fucking offended when you won't let me tell a black joke.


But anyhoodle!

I had an amazing day at the mall today. I had Taco Bell (one of my favorite fast food places EVER) and then went to Kohl's to see my Lonnie Bear, who I haven't seen in awhile and missed terribly. I ran into my friend Degan and her boyfriend Ty and talked to them for awhile (they are soooo adorable together, it's ridiculous!) and then rode bikes around Wal-Mart until the employees came after us and then I parked the bike and ran out of the store, lol. We went to Hastings and stuff, cause they're open super late and have AWESOME SHIT in general. Then we went to another Wal-Mart and terrorized people there. Then went to the Wal-Mart near my house and I ran into my Papa Bear and Vanilla Bear (Calvin and Mel) and then came home. OH and while at Hastings, I totally snagged a couple of things for my friend Cole's birthday! Happy Birthday Cole! 17 years sexy! One more year and I'm taking you clubbing! Wooooot!

Anyway. Today was a good day and made me feel better than yesterday did (because I did wake up super depressed today, bleeeghh) and helped get my mind off of DJ for a little while. Douchecanoe lookin' ass nigga.

Oh, and apparently, Ryan Dunn died? I woke up and saw that on facebook, and was like, "Who the fuck is that?" I never really watched Jack Ass (sorry, folks!) and only ever really paid attention to Johnny Knoxville (because that man is a sexy beast, I don't care what you think) so yeah. I'm sorry he died though, because it doesn't matter hoe old or young you are, or the manner in which it happened, death is always sad. Not necessarily for the person dying, as it's a relief from the pain of living, but for those around them, who love them and will live out the rest of their lives without that person. So Rest In Peace Ryan Dunn. As long as it's not Johnny Depp yet, we're all good.

But tomorrow, I'm going to the zoo with Cole, Sarah, Imani, and others and am finally going to get to go to papa Bear and Mel's. And trust me, when I get there, I'm gonna have a huge cry and then feel much better, because they are my family. And I loves them very much. <3

So good night, folks! Have naughty dreams! For me, please? ;D

So today life decided to say "fuck you" yet again.

So I'm sitting here, after half an hour of crying my eyes out, wearing nothing but my cupcake lingerie and my handcuff necklace. Today was supposed to be great. I'd get out of the house, I'd get pizza, I'd hang out with my Otaku friends and not sit around all day depressed and thinking about my situation ith DJ, right?

WRONG. DJ showed up at MOOGLE. Completely ignored my existence. But had no problem wearing one of the t-shirts I just got him. Which kind of further solidifies my friends' opinions that he just used me for obtaining whatever he wanted. Because if he's not friends with me anymore, why accept things from me? And why wear them to an event he knows I'm going to be at? Unless it's giving me a big middle finger, which is what it is. It's a huge "Fuck you, Jess, I'm going to hurt you even more!":which is quite petty and childish. But that's basically him in a nutshell anyway.

So I started texting my friends so they could just help me NOT walk out and just wander around crying (which I do when I have anxiety attacks, which I was SUPER close to having). They told me to ignore him and let him be the big baby that he's being. Other than that, they just said sorry, there's really nothing I could do. Luckily Kalissa got there and kept me company (I don't know if she realizes this, but she was what kept me from completely breaking down) as I ate my pizza and socialized with the rest of the Otaku.

CREEPERS STILL WUZ CREEPIN' THOUGH.

There's this guy named Brad Turrin who started creepin' up on me on facebook, always commenting "hot" and stuff on my pictures. Not even in a classy, complimentary way; in a complete douchebag way. Well, I rejected his attentions. He then started texting me (he must have gotten my number off my facebook page) and I didn't respond and deleted him off my friends list. He continued to creep, so I blocked him. Then he started texting me again ( I had deleted his number at this point) and I got kiiinda nervous about it (when a girl says back off, or ignores you even, back the fuck off, nigga, and find someone else) and told Cole about it. So he texted that guy and told him to stop texting me, and creeper goes, "She's the one who gave me her number."

What. the. FUCK. So anyway. He leaves me alone, until TODAY. He texts me as I leave for the MOOGLE meeting and then I see him walking with my friend Imani. I figured seeing him and actually speaking to him at this point was inevitable, so I decided to attempt friendly terms. I didn't have money to actually buy pizza, so he bought me one. He also bought Imani one, too, so I didn't really think that much of it. Then he started texting me as we were sitting at the table (the flirtatious type of texting) and then he asks me out again. I tell him no. I guess that did it for him, because he became really offended and started being a complete asshole. He demanded me pay him back for the pizza. I told him I'd text him when I get the money (if I don't have money or a job right now, what makes him think I can magically make money appear? just sayin', broski!) and he goes, "You'll actually text me, because usually you won't even respond to my texts." I was getting very annoyed with his attitude, so I go, "If I don't want to respond to your texts or associate with you, I'm not going to," to which he got even more annoyed. I said, "Look, I'll text you." Then he disappeared for awhile and tried to avoid me the ret of the night other than shooting me rather vicious and sulky looks. I ignored him. I had by then gotten rather depressed over DJ being a dickwipe and had receded into my own little turtle shell.

Then the group decides to go out to Perkins after we leave the MOOGLE meeting. Again, completely ignored. Tried to make plans for me and Destiny to spend the night at Kalissa's, but scheduling conflicts and rides caused the idea to frazzle out. But watching DJ do shoots of creamer was amusing. I half wanted him to vomit from it because he was being a doucher and the other half of me was worried about him getting sick. Then he concocted a mixture of milkshakes, creamer, and God knows what else, and drank that. By then, though, my anxiety (mixed with a huge very chocolaty milkshake) had caused me to grow nauseous and I went to the bathroom and vomited. DJ didn't seem to care, which of course made me feel even more ill.

The big "fuck you" of the night was as he was leaving (he and David had to leave early to go to the store and buy ramen and stuff for their house) he hugged and said good-bye to every single person at the table, except me. Made a point to NOT say good-bye to me or even acknowledge me. Which led to me very silently crying. Kalissa noticed, gave me a big hug, and then I went to the bathroom and had a huge, vomity weep there. I ripped off my toilet paper necklace (the piece of smiley poop that goes along with it I gave to DJ; I figured he'd appreciate it, figured he could go around saying "I'm the shit" or something, which is totally what he'd do) and threw it on the ground, only to say, "Oh, fuck!" and retrieve the toilet paper part, as the chain part was broken for good. I cried, wiped off my runny make-up and went back out to the table. We left a few mniutes later.

I am now drinking some more of my delicious iced tea (with a hint of Captain Morgan, as I had a bit hidden under my bed) and I actually kind of have to pee. So I'm just going to stop here, as I don't really know what else to say. Am I insulted? Not really. Hurt? Very very very much so. Tired? Yes, and have a bit of a headache, which I've had since my big cry at Perkins. I took an ibuprofen, but it only worked for a little while. More than anything, I'm disappointed in DJ, as he's one of the people I never expected to treat me like this. And I may have been naive and quite frankly even stupid for believing this, but I actually thought he was a better person than this. I did.

That's all for now, folks.

Creepers be creepin'.

So I'm sitting here listening to techno music before I get ready to go to the MOOGLE June Meeting at Garabaldi's. Wearing rainbow-colord zebra striped shorts and a Pikachu t-shirt. And nooo panties. Just sayin'.

So I went to Spectrum last night with Drew Upton, Kalissa Ervin, Amber Norris, and Bradford Hill. Saw a glorious drag show (I was more impressed than I usually am) and ended up topless (as per usual). But it was Kalissa and Brad's first time clubbing. Bradford didn't seem to enjoy himself, due to personal problems with his girlfriend and dislike of some of the music.

Man, last night was the night for creepers and douchers apparently. Cause this guy was totally creepin' up on me, Drew, and Kalissa. While Drew and Kalissa were on the pole dancing and stuff, this guy in a University of Tennessee shirt came up to us and was like,"What's your name?" - "Jess?" - "Who're they" - "My boyfriend and girlfriend." - "So...you three are like...a thing? All three of you?" - "Yes." He points to Kalissa and is like, "Mind if I get up on that?" Haha, I was like, "Errr....." Drew and I had to go protective and get away because UT guy was like, "Can I get up in this? Wanna add a fourth to your circle?" We made our escape and hung out in the lounge.

Then Kalissa and I are dancin near Amber and this bald guy comes up and is hitting on us and we deflect his attentions so he goes all asshole and says, "Fine, be that way. Your loss, my gain," and saunters away, trying to be all swaggerific and stuff. Which of course...he was not. We all three just looked at each other and laughed. But still.

And later, we're dancing and this Mexican guy is creepin' up on us, watching the three of us from the stage and whatnot, and Kalissa was weirded out. Then this supah old lesbian was lookin' at us (and apparently at some point was puttin' the moves on Amber) and creepin'. And Mexican dude came up behind me when we got onstage, and he started dancing up against me. Boner just kinda poking all up on me. Kinda awkward so I told him to go away, because the three of us were gonna dance together for the next song instead of with anyone else. Got rid of him rather successfully, lol.

We left early. (It was super hot in there tonight, hotter than usual, despite there being less people than usual due to Electrocity also happening that night, as well as some event at Minglewood Hall.) And had epic car conversations on the way home. It has been decided that next week, Drew is wearing my fairy wings to the club and Kalissa is raiding my closet. o_O

And whips and sexy time at Anime Blues Con is now inevitable.

But the moral of the story is....creeprs be creepin'. Good night, and good luck.

So D got married...And the venting of life.

So my friend of 11 years, Diane Coates got married (to William Felch). Then they came to the reception, which (despite sweltering temperatures and wind) they decided to have in Freeman Park, which is a very sentimntal location for them. It's where they first kissed and got together and where they got back together (after a break-up which lasted less than a day, haha). It's a park they also visited frequently and so it holds very sentimental value to them. After the reception (which consisted of me changing into an interesting "spooning" tank top and awkwardly sitting around with Catie), they went to take Krys to the airport, and then (in their own words) go home and "screw like rabbits." &gt;.&lt;


But after that, I went to DJ's house to drop off some of his clothes. Despite the fact that I love him and he is (or was, I don' even know anymore) my best friend, he still refuses to talk to me or see me, which is very frustrating and very immature. I ended up giving the clothes and whatnot to David, who said DJ didn't send him out there, but I have my doubts.

In case you're wondering about what's going on between me and him, he basically told me I needed somewhere else to go (despite having nowehre else to go) because I was causing too much drama. I am apparently going around talking about our relationship (or lack thereof, rather) to random girls I don't even know, or quite frankly, like. So yes, it's pretty much what it sounds like. He believed some girl over me. Yeah. Insulting? Yes. Hurtful? Like hell. I ended up back at my parents' house, which I assure you, is the very last place I wish to be. But where else am I going to go? Yeah. Ask DJ. Pfft.

Then I went over to his house last week to drop off some stuff I'd gotten his sister, and he completely ignored me, and would not even acknowledge my existence. So yeah, good job on being mature there, mate. But I seem to have further complicated matters (which I only blame myself for because I really don't want to place any blame on him) by simply going to the club (Spectrum) with his ex girlfriend (who I've recently become friends with). I would have called or texted him, but since he was ignoring me anyway, I didn't know if he'd pick up or respond, so I posted on facebook that I was going with her (twice, which gave him plenty of opportunity to see it). I decided to warn him because he generally gets very depressed or upset whenever he sees her, so I figured he probably wouldn't go if she was there.

Guess we saw the minute we walked in? You guessed it. He decided to show up anyway. I was inwardly freaking out, but I figured I should just act like myself. What would I normally do if she (or he) weren't there? I would wind up topless, socializing, and dancing. So that's exactly what I did. Drew took my shirt off. I danced with DJ's ex and Drew (and others joined in) and he ended up having a meltdown. This meltdown includes unfriending me on facebook the next day, which was very upsetting. Despite my insistence on trying to talk or meet up or anything, he won't respond to anything. Texts, facebook messages, whatever.

I've spoken to many friends about it. Especially friends who know both of us and saw a lot of us when we hung out together, and the basic idea is that I have been used. I bought him tons of things (gifts, food, his way into events, etc.) and did everything for him. And still would, without a second thought. But the minute my money was gone was when he basically stopped being as nice to me as he was. My self esteem pretty much ceases to exist whenever I'm around him. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong, even if I'm not. For awhile now, I've been unable to trust him. He's pretty much the first person I've trusted to the extent in which I did trust him (physically and emotionally), and after awhile, I no longer felt like I could tell him anything anymore. If I trusted him with that much before and end up getting fucked over constantly, why wouldn't it just happen again. My friends also hope this new girl he's hanging out with is ignorant; she has a car and money, and after he gets bored with her, he's gonna throw her away, as he's appeared to have done with me (and others, because I am soooo not the only one; I've seen them come and go; or rather, come and end up getting hurt o.O). Even though I don't really like her much in general (I tend to not like people who tell lies and talk shit about me, sorry) I don't think anyone should get used like that. And as much as it kills me to admit it, I am starting to believe my friends are right. I have been used. They believe he'll come crawling back when he needs something. I'd like to talk to him; he's very childish in not talking to me. It's like a child when they do something wrong, and won't admit it. They just stand there with their jaw clenched and refuse to speak. It feels like I'm dealing with that, but on a more extreme and hurtful level.

I don't really know what to think. I'd like for him to come back, to talk to me, but not if he needs something. I'dlike him to prove them doubly wrong and come back because he actually wishes to, not because he wants something. And it would prove that I was not used. But I don't really know what to believe anymore. Blegh. &gt;.&lt;

So there is my rant. Tonight, I'm going out with friends. I've pretty much been going out on a daily basis with people. If I don't, I wind up just sitting here in my room tinking aout this, and only this. Blaming myself. When I shouldn't be to blame for anything. I should be entitled to be friends with whoever I want without having to feel guilty. But thankfully I have friends who make me feel better, even if it's just for a little while. :]

So I finally dyed my hair....AND cut it! :D

So I got my friend DJ to cut my hair for me. He just finished registering at Paul Mitchell: The School, Memphis, plus he usually cuts his own hair and does pretty well, so I figured why not let him try mine? I had a picture of the cut I wanted and all, so not a big deal, right?

BIG MISTAKE. He "butchered" my hair (that was the term used by a few of my friends to describe it) and I didn't notice at first because he'd styled it to where it was very adorable. But when I woke up the next day and showered...Yeeeah.

So he ended up giving me the boot from his home (don't even get me started on that shit) and that day, I cut it myself, and went to Walgreens a few days later and bought red hair dye for it. While I was initially displeased with the cut I had given myself, once dyed bright red, it ended up looking quite good. I get compliments wherever I go, and I am very pleased with it. My friend Erica can't ever seem to stop running her hands through it, haha. ^_^

So I want to do something new with my hair.

So I want to cut my hair. And here's the styles I've been looking at: 

 

so...

Tell me what you think! Which one would look best on me? :]